Thursday, December 29, 2011

TP Trauma

I rely on two techniques to ensure that my butt doesn't come into physical contact with the toilet seat when using public restrooms.  Like most normal women, my method of choice is squatting.  However, if there is something preventing me from properly executing the squat (ie: laziness, inebriation, or loss of balance due to wearing heels), then I turn to option number 2, which is to line the seat with toilet paper before sitting down.  These two strategies have pretty much served me well during my 23 years of life (24 years, as of Saturday!).  That is, up until that fateful weekend in September.

It was a big weekend.  The Avett Brothers were playing two nights in a row at the Charlottesville Pavilion and one of my best friends, Julia, was coming to visit from Baton Rouge.  After a day of wine-tasting, a group of about 8 of us decided to go out to dinner at Michael's Bistro on the Corner.  After we finished eating, I ran to the restroom before we left the restaurant.

Some useful background information: I also had laryngitis at the time and had spent 15 minutes in the bathroom blowing my nose at one of the vineyards earlier in the day.  You can imagine the kind of jokes this warranted.
With this in mind, I was determined to pee as quickly as possible and haul ass (literally) out of the bathroom.  As I was facing every squatting obstacle possible, I lined the seat with toilet paper, did my thing, and rushed out.  I didn't notice anything unusual and no one else seemed to, as we put on our coats and descended, single-file, down the long staircase that dumped us out onto the sidewalk.  

My friend, Margaret, had followed me down the stairs and when we finally stepped outside, I heard her say, rather loudly and not so covertly, " Desire'!!! Is that...TOILET PAPER?"
Naturally, I looked down at my boots and started inspecting the bottom of my heels.  I didn't see anything. "Nope! I don't know what you mean...there's nothing!"  That was when I realized it.  Margaret was pointing between my legs.  I looked down, and there it was: a long trail of toilet paper peeking out from beneath my skirt.  The toilet paper that lined the seat must have stuck to my butt when I stood up, and was now secured on one end by my tights, allowing the other end to billow in the wind behind me as I walked, like a kite tail.

Suddenly, I felt a tugging, and there was my friend, Kim, taking one for the team and pulling the toilet paper out.  However, it wasn't going anywhere without a fight and it didn't take long for Kim to scream, "There's resistance!!"  When the toilet paper decided to give, Kim kept pulling and pulling.  Everyone gasped and awed, as the squares of toilet paper multiplied.  Kim promptly threw it on the ground and we all glared at it, gleaming against the stone walkway.  Everyone burst out laughing (including a random couple who had stood nearby to watch the spectacle) as I tried to explain my seat-lining method.  But it was no use.

At the end of the night, we were standing on the same street corner, trying to hail a cab, when an ambulance pulled up the area where my strip of toilet paper had been abandoned just hours earlier.  "I'll bet there was a bar fight or something," I surmised.  "No, no, no.  Let's be honest here," my friend Patrick responded.  "Someone obviously tripped on your toilet paper."

A couple weeks later, I received this card in the mail from Julia:
There I am.

Thursday, November 03, 2011

Things That Amuse Me

I knew that today was going to be a good day when I awoke to a facebook message from my friend that said:

"i spent tonight at a weird work dinner entertaining a CREEP named GORDON. then i had to take him and his boring friends out for drinks and then i got home and had a package and it was something i ordered friday night while not in a proper state of mind (like now) and it is a box of 50 owl finger puppets! why would i order that?!"
Here's some other things that are keeping me entertained today:

Monday, August 15, 2011

My Cat Ate My Doctor's Note

My Dog Cat Ate My Homework Doctor's Note.
Yep.  That's right.  My cat has struck again.  As I've mentioned before, I had gall bladder surgery a few months ago.  Having a major organ ripped out through your belly button doesn't really leave your body in the best condition to go to Zumba or Cycling.  In order to get my money back for my gym membership, I had my Doctor write a note explaining my situation.  All I had to do was fax the letter to the Scary Gym Lady (see below):

and hope that, having already ruined enough lives that day, she would spare a little mercy and honor my request.

But once again my laziness prevailed and the Doctor's note sat under a pink magnet on my fridge for approximately a month and a half.  It wasn't until I needed to use that pink magnet to hold something way more important (tickets to two Avett Brothers concerts in September) that I decided I should do something about the note.  I'll take it to work with me in the morning and fax it from there, I thought.  Apparently, the note caught my cat, Roux's, attention at the same time.  (I'm not going to lie, there are times when I think Roux can read my mind...she really freaks me out...)  Except Roux didn't wait until the morning to take action.  She decided to do something about it in the middle of the night.

When I woke up in the morning, I saw it.  My Doctor's note was on the floor with a bite taken out of it.  And not just any bite.  The most crucial bite that could have been taken.  If this were a cinnamon bun, Roux had eaten the moist center, where the spiral ends and all the cinnamon-y goodness is contained.  Let's just say that Roux knows how to eat her paper.  She managed to take the most bland dish and find a way to savor it.  She had eaten the dateDesire' had surgery on ------.  Without a date, I had nothing!  No proof of when the surgery actually took place.  I could have had this surgery 3 years ago for all they knew.  How Roux even got the note down is a question I'd rather not know the answer to.  How inconvenient!  Just when I had decided to be slightly motivated, Roux foiled my plans!

Thanks, Roux.

Sunday, August 07, 2011

Dez Vs. Nature

I've always had a complicated relationship with the outdoors--the complication being that I like nature, but I suck at it.  It all started when I was 12 years old and I went to a week-long summer camp in West Virginia with my best friend, Kristen.  Despite a variety of mishaps that indicated otherwise (including having a boy cast his fishing hook into my chest), I actually thought I was cut-out for camp life.  It wasn't until we embarked on our 3-day backpacking journey into the woods that I realized there was a problem.

We had partners for the hike that we shared a backpack with.  I'm not talking the latest neon-green JanSport that I had bought for my inauguration into middle school.  I'm talking one of those heavy-duty cross-country beasts.  A backpack of myths...something I had only heard about but certainly had never seen before.  Kristen, who has always been far more nature-inclined, offered to carry the backpack first so that I would take over at the half-way point.  After 4.5 miles, the time had come.

I've decided that it's best to convey what happened next in cartoon-format.
(Forewarning: I also have a complicated relationship with "Paintbrush for Macs")

I tried not to be intimidated:
But it was easily 3 times my size.  The camp counselor slung the beast onto my back and my body immediately started shaking.  The top of the backpack caved beneath the weight and formed a hat on the top of my head, covering my eyes.  It took all my strength to lift my right leg.  As I tried to find my footing for that first step, I kicked a tree root and it was game over.

I fell face-first into the dirt and couldn't get up.  I was being smothered by the backpack.  This is it, I thought.  This is how I'm going to die.  

Instead, the counselor made Kristen carry the backpack the rest of the way, allowing my traumatized self to enjoy a breezy 9-mile hike.

Fast forward to the present.  Now, I only camp during music festivals.  And even then, I cheat.  Refer to these loving portraits of me and my fan from our recent trip to Floydfest as proof:
How I do camping

It's the only way to go

While I've admitted to myself that camping isn't for me, I refuse to give up on hiking...but perhaps I should.  A couple of weeks ago, I went hiking in Shenandoah National Park with my friends Patrick and Chad.  The only thing funnier than going hiking when you suck at it is going hiking with people who are worse at it than you are.  This is what Patrick looked like the entire time:

Pretty much sums up Patrick's feelings about the hike

When Chad asked one of us to carry the backpack, I promptly fled and hid behind a rock.  I wasn't going there again.  On the way back, we were all pouring sweat and fed up.  The "gorgeous waterfall view" we were hiking to ended up being a tiny rock peeing way in the distance.  Chad had a grand idea of taking a short-cut that he knew oh so well...even though he had never been on this hike in his life.  Patrick and I were in the middle of smacking him (there was no way this was actually a short-cut) when we heard it.

A loud rustling in the trees.  What could it be?!!  It was getting closer.  Was it a bear?!  A wolf?!  A crazed lumberjack?!

We grabbed onto each other for dear life.   

Huddled on an edge of this dirt path looking like a downtrodden version of Dorothy, The Lion, and The Tin Man, we waited anxiously.

A deer came into view.  It stopped to graze just before hopping onto the path about 10 feet from where we were standing.
Do deer hurt you?? 
They can!! If she has a baby around, she will attack us!!
We're dead.
I started pinching Chad on the arm.  This is all your fault!

We shared some panicked glances with the deer before she sprinted off.

What actually happened?

Peaceful deer stopping to graze right next to us, creating a gorgeous scene to end our hike.
What we saw?

Blood-thirsty savage
(My laziness outweighs my capacity for embarrassment, so instead of actually putting forth any effort on revising these cartoons, I posted them in their original glory.)

In light of this recent adventure, I think it's time to give up on my battle with nature.  I never stood a chance.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Summa Tiiime

What I've been doing this past month, which has lead to my MIA status in the blogosphere:


Starry Night at Veritas Vineyard featuring the Hackensaw Boys

Lake times

DMB Caravan in Atlantic City!!

Floyd Fandango!

Floyd Fandango!

Hope everyone's having a glorious summer so far!  
More to come this weekend! (That is, after I see Harry Potter 7.2 and my whole childhood comes to an end).

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Letter To My Upstairs Neighbors

Dear Heels and Man-Heels,

Let me start off by saying that I appreciate your need to exaggerate your height (someone once asked me if I was even 5 feet tall...DISCLAIMER: my Driver's License says I'm 5' 2" and we all know you can't lie on those forms...).  But when you are in the vicinity of your own home, are you for real (fast forward to 1 min. 53 sec).  I don't need to hear you stomping around in 6-inch wooden stilettos at all times like a pirate with two peg legs who's trying to find his way back to the ship.  And why would you even begin to start dancing??

Those cozy, fabric slippers that were left outside of your door circa Christmas time were NOT from St. Nick.  They were from a lesser-known, more pissed off St. Dez, who intended that they be put to good use.  Guess you were too tall for that.  I can only imagine that Man-Heels used them to mop up the excess of hair product that he slung all over the bathroom while getting ready in the morning (this isn't the Jersey Shore, dbag...and wearing a popped collar...on a sweater, while carrying an open Coors Light on the sidewalk doesn't make you cool).

Remember that time you were nursing a Rain Forest in your living room and all the water overflowed out of the pots and dripped through the floor?  Well, thanks for watering my brand-new TV.  With the proper amount of sunlight, I was able to ruin not one, but two, input ports.

Just so you know, no level of OCD makes it okay to vacuum at 7am or 1am for that matter.  And when I awoke to the loud crooning of your awful country music at 6am and screamed "shut up motherf#@*$!!!," it actually was not an invitation for you to turn the music up louder.

When you were showing your apartment to a potential subletter and they asked about noise level and you told them that you "knew a little bit too much about the girl downstairs," what exactly did you mean by that?  I should probably remind you that when you're in the middle of a domestic dispute or referring to your potential jail sentence, that it would be a good idea to whisper.


The girl who's about to call the cops on you

Wednesday, June 01, 2011

Three Gold Coins

Last weekend I received a flyer in the mail from a local car dealership advertising a sale they were having.  But this wasn't just any flyer.  This flyer came with a key and a lottery.  There were three different scratch-able columns on the back and if one of column's numbers matched the group of bold numbers above it, then you won.  Shockingly, (although, as I was to find out later, not so shockingly) my second column of numbers matched!!  I opened up my flyer to see my prize options:

1. $25,000****
2. 2011 Toyota Camry***
3. $100**
4. Three Gold Coins*

I needed to go down to the car dealership sale to claim my prize.  Obviously this was just a ploy to get me to come and buy a new car, and every prize had an asterisk next to it.  So what?  I had won!  In all of my excitement, I didn't bother to read the fine print, but if I did, I'm sure it would have translated to something like this:

****Nah, this prize isn't real.
***Good luck with that.
**1 in 45,000 people win this (direct quote)
*And by Gold we mean Brass

It was only 6 o'clock on a Friday, I was fresh off of work and didn't have anything going on until later in the evening, so I thought it was the perfect time to collect my winnings.  Sure, my odds weren't great, but maybe I was the only person who would go claim their prize so they would have to give me the big prize by default.  Regardless, they owed me something.  I drug my friend, Margaret, along, and we headed towards the mall, where this dealership had temporarily camped out in the parking lot.  We walked up to the deserted tent and were greeted by a downtrodden girl with the voice/personality of Daria.

Daria: How may I help you?  Are you interested in buying a car today?

Me: (I wanted to play it cool.  There was no way I could let her know that we had driven all the way there in the hopes of attaining random scam mail lottery glory.) Um, yeah, we were...uh...chilling at the mall and then I remembered that I got this random thing in the mail and decided to come over here and claim my prize.

It was the least-cool thing I could have said.  "I was watching Star Trek alone in my room and decided to get out of the house" would have probably sounded better.  Telling her about my fake adventures at the mall on a Friday night led her to ask me if I was 16.  No wonder.

Daria: Do you go to the University?
Me: We did.  We already graduated
Daria: Oh.  Well, actually, I thought you were in High School.  Don't worry, though, I get that all the time.  Everyone always thinks I'm 16, but I'm actually in my twenties.  We'll appreciate it once we're older.
Me: Yeah, I'm also in my twenties...

I had suddenly lost interest.  I shoved my lottery flyer and accompanying key in Daria's face, as if to say, Let's get this over with, give me my shiz so I can go home.

Daria escorted me over to a car.  Alright, you can try your key to see if it fits.  But I doubt it will.

How encouraging.  I tried to coax my key ever so gently into the keyhole.  I wanted to prove her wrong but I knew it was key looked like a Fischer Price reject.

Defeated, I followed Daria into the tent and over to a Dry-Erase board, displaying a 7-digit code.  If your code matches this one, you win $100, Daria said mechanically.  I had 3 out of the 7 numbers.  I hung my head once again, but Daria seemed slightly encouraged.  I’ve never seen someone have so many matching numbers! She declared with a tone that suggested that she had just been told that her goldfish had died.  This was a step-up for her.

Lastly, she led me over to a table and made me sit down in a rickety folding chair while she fetched a scratcher card for me.  The card had about 20 boxes and I was only allowed to scratch 6 of them.  I had to scratch 6 different pictures of keys to win $25, 000.  The different types of keys were pictured to the side.  I knew that I was probably going to scratch a bunch of the same keys and get confused but I still had a glimmer of hope.  This was it.  My last chance.  For all the marbles (marbz).  I took a deep breath and scratched a box at random.  I unveiled a picture of a pair of scissors.

Crap.  I didn’t see that coming.

So does that mean I’m out already?!! I screamed desperately at Daria.
Yep.  Hold on, let me go get your coins.

While Daria went searching in the depths of the tent, I began feverishly scratching the other boxes to see if there were even any keys on my card.  All I revealed were random pictures of airplanes, flashlights, and batteries.  What was this mind-game?!

That’s when I saw it.  A cardboard box stashed behind a printer.  It was full of “winning” flyers.  So all of the flyers were winners, but they were distributed randomly.  All of my dreams were crushed.

photo cred

Daria returned with three $1 coins with creepy faces of Abe Lincoln giving me the stank-eye on the back.  These weren’t even real gold!!  I was hoping that I could at least do Cash-For-Gold, but nooo.  So this was the consolation prize they gave all the poor suckers who drove all the way up here just for this (or, who happened to be hanging out at the mall and then wandered across the parking lot, like me…)  I was debating in my head if it was worth the gas money to get there to win $3, or if I had actually lost money in the process.

What kind of car do you drive? Daria interrupted my thought-process.
A Mazda Protégé.
Ohh okay.  Daria was clearly judging me.  I wondered what my car said about me.  Probably just that I’m a gullible teeny-bopper who likes to chill at the mall on Friday nights and waste her time claiming meaningless prizes.

I used my “Gold Coins” to buy a giant Slushee from 7-11 the next afternoon.  At least I still have my pride.

photo cred

Friday, May 27, 2011

Canteen Stickers

Many people decorate their canteen with NOLS stickers or stickers of hikes they've done, places they've gone, etc.  After all, the act of owning a canteen in itself implies that you put yourself in situations that require you to use said canteen (AKA: doing a lot of outdoors-y things). 

But not me.  Case in point: I just added a Mono Loco sticker to my canteen.  That's right: I choose to decorate my canteen with stickers from restaurants I've eaten at.  I use it as a supplement to my dining-out fetish.  No thanks, waiter, I don't need a drink, I have my canteen stashed in my purse.  (This is completely unfounded.  I just came up with this idea, but I might actually start doing this...)

Anyways, if you've never been to Charlottesville, or even worse, if you live in Charlottesville and you haven't experienced the gloriousness that is the Mono Loco South American burrito, here is what you're missing out on:

Friday, May 20, 2011

Meeting David Sedaris

Last month, I met one of my favorite people, David Sedaris!!  Keeping in line with my usual routine when I'm nervous, I turned into a babbling idiot.  I wrote the following essay for submission to a magazine with the theme "Saying Too Much."  Keep your fingers crossed!

Let’s face it.  I’m no good at meeting famous people—especially ones who are my heroes.  But when David Sedaris came into town to do a book reading and signing, I had to go.  I had missed my chance at seeing him twice before and I wasn’t going to let that happen again.  So there I was,  snorting from laughing so hard, when he launched into excerpts from his journal.  A majority of his entries were about people he had met during his book signings.  He documented funny jokes people told him and made fun of the weirdos.  At this point, I began to get nervous.  I do NOT know any jokes...and I’m probably a weirdo.

I waited in line for over an hour at the signing.  The girl behind me was writing herself a script of what to say while the girl in front of me presented David with a manuscript she had written.  To calm my nerves, I concentrated on memorizing the script along with the girl behind me.  That way, I could recite it to David first, leaving her with nothing.  And we all knew that arriving at the signing table with nothing guaranteed that you’d be the biggest embarrassment there.

By the time the big moment came, David was munching on a particularly large salad.  As I approached the table, he asked me if I was Greek.  No, I told him.  My dad is Lebanese.  Thus began the whirlwind that was my conversation with David Sedaris.  Thankfully he did not ask me to tell him any jokes, but he did ask me if my dad had “one eyebrow” and “back-hair.”

“I have back hair.  It sucks,” he added.
“You should probably get that taken care of.”  Did I really just say that?
He asked me if I was in college and who I came with.  I had to confess to him that I came alone.  I didn’t want to tell him that I had plenty of friends who were interested in coming but that none of them wanted to cough up the money to pay for the pricey ticket, so I chose to let him think that I was a social outcast. 

Somewhere in-between providing a disjointed commentary on the benefits of psychological research and debating whether or not it was safe to travel to Lebanon (neither of which, I’m afraid, are topics of immediate interest to David Sedaris), I realized that I was in trouble.  I had not paused to take a breathe in at least 2 minutes.  Meanwhile, he was enjoying conveniently-timed bites of salad, chewing for what seemed like an eternity and staring me up and down, while I sweated profusely and rambled on.  I had this illusion in my head that I was a stage-monkey.  I was standing before him, expected to perform, and it was game on.  Otherwise I was going to end up as some mythical figure, mocked through David Sedaris journal excerpts in book readings to come.  Humorist-lovers around the globe would text their friends after a book reading: “David Sedaris told us all about this crazy fan at a book-signing in some little town in Virginia.  She didn’t stop speaking for 40 minutes straight!  After a while she forgot to breathe and the last 15 minutes of chatter spewed from a blue face.”

Unfortunately, I had already crossed that threshold.

At one point he asked me where I was from and when I told him, he asked me where it was located.
“About 2 hours southwest of here.”
“Hmm where?”
“Close to North Carolina, actually!  Wait a second, you did a reading there a few years ago and I was bummed that I missed it.”
“Oh I know, I’ve been there twice!”  He was just messing with me now.

He began to tell me about how his boyfriend, Hugh, had lived in Beirut, when I interrupted him, interjecting my thoughts about who knows what.  A red light was flashing in my head.  You just interrupted David Sedaris, who was about to tell you a story.  Stop. Talking. Just. Stop.  But I continued to babble.  I was obviously not built with an emergency break lever.  I needed the equivalent of a runaway truck ramp for 18-wheeler trucks whose brakes have failed them.  And I’m talking a serious one.  One of those steep gravel hills with what appear to be a 90-degree incline that veer right off the road.  Perhaps a brain-released chemical that paralyzed my tongue?  Or a chip in my brain that turned on during emergency situations, enabling me to only give robotic responses: “Yes. Please. Thank you. It. Is. Nice. Outside. Today.”

In the end, I had brought my two favorite books with me and couldn’t decide which one I wanted him to sign.  Typical.  Ultimately, he signed both, and in one he simply drew a dog.  I was in love.  Sometimes words just aren’t necessary.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

In-Cognito Roux

I know that I should quit posting about my cat, but my friend sent me THIS video earlier and I feel the need to share.  That looks JUST like my cat, Roux (well, Roux with a pop-tart body).  I am so convinced that this is Roux that I'm now looking for ways to prove it.  I have always wondered what Roux does while I'm at work, earning my living and being a contribution to society.  Now I know.  She has been busy crafting her image as a pop-tart-bodied youtube celebrity that poops rainbows.  When I was unsure of who went through my underwear drawer, I was thinking of ways in which I could catch the culprit in the act.  Setting up a video camera didn't seem plausible, as I, 1. don't own one and 2. am cheap.  Plus it would have to tape all day and I don't think any battery life would last that long.

Then it occurred to me that I could buy Roux one of those animal collars that have cameras on them.  Life from Roux's perspective.  Riveting.  And obviously had all the makings of Reality-Show glory.  Love (the touching relationship between Roux and her Meow Mix).  Drama (where WILL Roux nap today?) and Adventure (imagine a scene in which Roux's tiny paws are venturing into the unchartered territory that is my dresser, making their way to the apex and opening up my underwear drawer, tossing the contents like a salad).

However, it seems that Roux has beat me to the punch and is already forging her own career.  My days as a stage mom are over.  But once I somehow prove that this is, indeed, my cat in this video, I better get my cut.

Friday, April 29, 2011

fill in the blank friday

Happy Friday!  As I'm still recuperating from my gall bladder surgery and trying to fight off an annoying head-cold, I am currently lazing in bed with a tall glass of orange juice and my favorite mug full of Black Chai Tea (I never have just one beverage) sitting next to me on my nightstand.  And I'm watching a rebroadcast of The Royal Wedding on The Royal Channel on Youtube.  Shhhh don't judge...I wasn't really into the whole thing--I just wanted to see Kate Middleton's dress and which designer she chose (and she did not disappoint...she wore Sarah Burton for Alexander McQueen?! love her) but now I'm completely roped in.  Anyways, I've decided to participate in my first Fill In The Blank Friday, so here we go!

1.   I am looking forward to    music festivals!  The music festival season is upon us, and to me, music festivals = summer.  Looking forward to the warm weather, road-trips with friends, dancing, cute clothes (sundresses, sunglasses, headbands, etc etc), and of course the music.  This is my first summer with a "real world" job, so I guess you could say this is my first non-summer, but I have no doubt that this summer will be great.


2.  Something kind of embarassing that I still love anyway is  pretty much any trashy reality show on TV.  After being cooped up inside for a week at my grandparents' house, I packed in a lot of TV-watching.  Who knew that Audrina from The Hills (which my roommate/friend, Liz, and I watched religiously in college) now had her own show on VH1?!  Caught up on all of those episodes.  Then Saddle Ranch came on after that.  Had never heard of it, but pretty sure I've seen that whole season now too.  Oh, and whatever Kardashian show is out at the moment, you know I'm up to speed.  Perhaps it's because I haven't had cable in 6 months, but I'm not gonna lie, I enjoyed all of it.

3.  My favorite car is   hmm this is a toughie.  Cars are one area in which I've never felt particularly materialistic about or interested in.  Don't get me wrong, I love my car (it's been with me since the dark ages of my learner's permit) but I haven't named it, nor do I have any sort of romanticized attachment to it.  Although I will say that I think it's pretty cool that my car is a (Mazda) Protegé, and my name is Desiré.  Names with accents stick together!  I think we were made for each other.  With all that said, I'll take this hahah

4.  If I could pick one type of weather to live with for the rest of my life it would be    the transition between spring and summer. Give me 70-75 degrees, bright sun, a slight breeze, and the day free to lounge outside for as long as I want without the threat of my hair frizzing (no humidity, please).

5.  My favorite thing to do after a bad/stressful day is   to treat myself to tasty dinner, a glass of white wine, and a bubble bath.

6.  This weekend       I will be going to pizza and game night; will be waking up bright and early tomorrow morning for breakfast (mimosas, strawberries, eggs, and TWO types of bacon, anyone?!), and (hopefully--if I feel better) going to Foxfield; will be relaxing, cleaning, reading magazines, and drinking lots of tea.

7.  If I were a color, I'd be       green      because,       it's my favorite color, and on a good day, the color of my eyes.

Shout-out to Jenny for giving me this glorious mug for my Birfday this year!